Romance scams can begin with ordinary conversation. The Federal Trade Commission says a scammer may build trust online, avoid meeting in person, and then ask for money. The request may involve travel, a medical bill, a family emergency, or an investment. Pay attention to the request and to what happens when you say no.
One concern alone does not prove a scam
Someone may prefer texting, feel nervous about video, or use another messaging app for ordinary reasons. Look at the whole conversation. Be more cautious if they avoid making any realistic plan to meet, push you off the dating service, change their story, or make you feel guilty for asking a reasonable question.
Treat requests for money or investments differently. The FTC advises you never to send money or gifts to someone you have not met in person. Be especially cautious about gift cards, wire transfers, payment apps, and cryptocurrency. You can refuse without proving that the story is false.
What to say when you want to slow things down
If you want more time, state what you are comfortable with. For example:
- “I’d like to keep chatting here until we know each other a little better.”
- “I don’t send money or invest with someone I haven’t met in person.”
- “I’d feel more comfortable with a short video call before we make plans. If that doesn’t work for you, we can take our time.”
These messages cannot verify someone's identity. Pay attention to whether they respect your answer. If they keep pressuring you, become angry, or bring up another emergency after you say no, stop replying and speak with someone you trust.
Check a concern without investigating everything
- Search the profile photo. A reverse image search may show that the photo appears under another name or on a stock-photo site. The FTC recommends this check. If nothing appears, you still do not know who owns the image.
- Check an important claim. If someone describes a job overseas or an investment opportunity, look up the claim independently and add the word “scam” to your search. Do not treat a document, screenshot, or link they send as proof.
- Protect your information. Keep your address, finances, passwords, identity documents, and daily routine private. You can wait before sharing your phone number. Our privacy guide explains what profile details and photos can reveal.
- Talk it over. If you feel unsure, show the messages to someone you trust. You can ask for advice without accusing the other person.
A video call may help you feel more comfortable, but it cannot confirm someone's identity by itself. For an in-person meeting, choose a public place, plan your own transport, and tell a friend where you will be. You can keep the first meeting short and leave if you feel uncomfortable.
If you have already sent money or shared details
Contact your bank, card issuer, or payment service as soon as possible. Use the number or website you normally use, explain that you may have paid a scammer, and ask whether the payment can be stopped or challenged. Save messages and receipts, and report the profile to the dating site or app.
- In the US, report the incident to the FTC. If it involved online financial crime, you can also file a report with the FBI's Internet Crime Complaint Center.
- In the UK, report it to Action Fraud.
- If you shared a password, change it anywhere you used it and reset your account credentials promptly. If you shared identity or account information in the US, IdentityTheft.gov explains next steps.
Do not pay anyone who contacts you unexpectedly and promises to recover your money. If you are unsure what to do, ask your bank or someone you trust to review the messages and payment records with you.
Stay open at your own pace
Being careful does not mean treating everyone as a threat. Keep control of what you share, when you meet, and whether you send money. Someone may prefer a different pace, but should respect your decision when you say no.
Read the FTC's romance scam advice and use its reporting site if needed. Do not send money or gifts to someone you have not met in person.